Well, baby number 2, you’re even more of a surprise than we thought! We went to the doctor last week and instead of being in my first trimester like I previously thought, I was 18 weeks along! Putting me at 5 months today! Wow. And they are 90% certain you’re a girl (we find out for sure on Thursday) Exciting! Well I’m half way done with being pregnant already and I barely even knew it.
This time around we are going a different route with having the baby. Last time I went all natural at a birth center with a wonderful midwife and although the experience was definitely not bad at all, I’m kind of scared to do that again. Plus my midwife moved away and I don’t feel comfortable delivering with any other midwife in town. I found a doctor at the hospital that is very hands off and from my first time meeting her I knew we were a good match. I felt like she really listened to me and didn’t brush any of my fears or issues off. I sort of felt at the birth center that there is a mindset of “Women have been doing this forever, nothing to worry about, nothing makes you special or different” And I don’t really feel like I need special treatment, however, I feel every woman deserves special treatment. This is a monumental thing! You are bringing a baby into this world and holy shit your life is about to change, you should feel loved and taken care of and mostly listened to.
I won’t get into some of the issues I had with the birth center, but now, 10 months after the fact I see them clear as day. I still want to have this baby natural, just like I did with Wyatt, but I am looking forward to seeing how this experience differs from the first time around. And I know there will be issues with whatever route you go, but why not try something else instead of being unhappy with the same process as before. If you know it bothers you, change it, don’t just stand by expecting it to be different this time.
My friend made this comment a few months ago about being a psuedo hippie. Not in style, but in thought process. That phrase has hung around with me since then. I mean, no one would ever look at me and think I was anything even close to a hippie, but we co-sleep, we breastfeed, we care about what we eat, listening to what our bodies are telling us, we are definitely unconventional and I guess that fits into the counter culture definition. I can’t classify us as parents, or myself as a mother, I guess that’s alright. I had my first baby with a midwife and I’ll have my second with a doctor. As long as I’m doing what feels right to me is all that matters. I know what is best for myself and my family. And you know the same for you. I wish there wasn’t so much judgement about what what’s right or wrong, because there is no right or wrong! It took me awhile to figure this out and I wouldn’t say I still have a full grasp on it, I question myself everyday, but I know as long as I’m making thoughtful decisions and they are in the best benefit of myself and my family that’s about as right as I need to be.
This has turned into such a rant and I don’t even have any pictures to post! I just thought since it has been hanging around in my head for some time I’d post. Just do what you do, because that is what you do best! No one knows yourself better than you, never forget that. I always have to remember that.